10 Tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself
Episode 4: Tips 7 and 8!
Tip 7: I shall see myself the way I really am
Having a healthy and up to date self-image is one of the most difficult things to achieve.
Sometimes we see ourselves better than we are and it makes us being the slaves of that ideal. When we have this type of self-image (called over-rated self-image), the first difficulty is simply to recognise we have it!
Sometimes we can't cut ourselves any slack and we put ourselves down, we minimise our progress, we doubt ourselves etc... This is called a negative self-image.
It is very common to have both of them depending on areas of our lives.
Why is it so important to see ourselves the way we really are, neither more nor less than who we are in truth today?
The first obvious reason is because it is a key to happiness.
The second important reason is because it will help us make the right choices for our life. Choices that truly serve us and help us develop in who we are meant to be.
So how to help ourselves here?
1. Accept we are on a growth journey, which slowly but surely changes us for the best = let's be patient.
2. As soon as we see ourselves boasting too much or putting ourselves down, STOP and …
3. Ask ourselves "If I want to be really gentle and honest with myself, can I really say this about myself?"
4. Stay there and take the time to find the answer, remaining in unconditional love for ourselves
5. Ask ourselves "How can I describe myself in a fair and loving way then?"
6. Write it down.
Why writing it down? Because our self-image is driven by our mind and that our mind likes what is clear, concrete and memorable. Also because you can -and I encourage you to- go back to it again and again :-)
Tip 8: I shall forgive myself
True forgiving happens at a deep level, not at our head level.
It is a very hard thing to do and often we need to do it again and again for it to be really freeing long lasting energy in us.
Yet, it is worth doing because it is the true essence of unconditional self-love.
When we love ourselves unconditionally, we accept we will make mistake and we love ourselves even in our mistakes. We recognise we have limitations and we are not alone because we are simply human. Human with our infinite beauty…
Here is what you can do to help yourself move towards self-forgiveness.
1. Think about yourself as a little child learning life. Take some time to feel right now how you feel when you look at a child giving their best to life, trying relentlessly, failing and failing again, until they succeed. Feel the love, the admiration you feel for them and the trust you have in them.
2. Each time you fail or do something wrong, stop what you are doing, pause for at least a minute (I know it’s long but it’s a minute worth a century of your growth!) and feel this same unconditional love and trust. Then, direct it towards yourself. Love yourself in your failure. And be present to what is happening in you.
3. Make a decision from your gut level, deep in you, by answering this question: “Can I give myself a chance to rewrite my story by doing things differently from now on?”
This is true love.