It can be stressful to hear what our family thinks about us when we dare to stand up in our truth.
As some of you may know, I live thousands of kilometers from my French family. My mother loves her independence but I still admirable her ability to love me unconditionally and be happy because I am happy where I live.
However I also get the odd judgment by extended family members implying I am selfish and don’t think about my mum’s needs. It used to drive me nuts!
Yet, the last time I heard this comment, I didn’t feel shaken or upset. Instead I felt love for myself and respect for my decision. I felt I was actually fair with this decision and I was able to convey this to the person without feeling stressed about it. I also felt this person was caring for my mother and not trying to attack me, but rather attempting to “enlighten” me.
So what was different in me?
I often hear people say that we have to be compassionate with others’ feelings or forgiving bla bla bla… Excuse my French, but I’ll call BS on that.
Why? Not because it is not true that when we are wise we are compassionate and forgiving but because I don’t believe we can become wise by trying to be compassionate. It’s putting the cart before the horse!
To stand up in our truth while feeling safe doesn’t just request to be sure we are saying the truth. It requires that we live a deep love for ourselves, a love that is unconditional –even if others don’t love us-, a love that is compassionate, a love that trusts we are a good person. A love that makes us feel safe.
We can acquire this love by slowing down and infusing it everyday in every little thing we do. It’s a sort of mindfulness focused on embracing ourselves with love.
What is the next thing you can do focusing on being lovingly present to yourself?
One of my passions in my work is to hold a loving space for my clients. Surround yourself with such people because it is inspiring. When we feel safe, we are naturally able to stand up in our truth.