Do you often find yourself with a sudden compulsive need to shop or eat, have a drink, smoke, have sex, do sport or just find something fulfilling to do right now? Do you often feel not valued for who you are and what you do?
If so, pay attention to these flags as you may be lacking love without knowing it… The good news is you can start working on this issue with effective results right now J
When I met Mary, she had been single for 12 months since breaking up with her last boyfriend but she couldn’t move on. Jack was on her lips –and in her mind- all the time and she was very resenting of Jack. She felt he had let her down. Mary was a lovely girl who enjoyed having fun and she was a go-getter, but when it came to love, things were not working out, she kept being disappointed. She was also annoyed at how she often felt she was sabotaging her happiness by over-drinking and indulge-eating on a regular manner, by having her savings evaporate with crazy shopping trips on days she felt low.
Through a gentle journey, I helped Mary understand how there was a common thread to all her frustrations and disappointments: her difficulty to give herself TRUE and UNCONDITIONAL love. She could see how she was relying on others and external activities to make her happy. She then started to explore this ability in her and slowly but surely the unpleasant behaviours receded. She found a new confidence in her ability to fulfil herself and to build a successful relationship full of happiness and freedom.
We live in a society that focuses on external sources of fulfilment, but unfortunately this is very much misleading us. This is because external sources of fulfilment –like shopping, eating, drinking, or having some pleasant activity- make us happy only for a short amount of time… unless we live them in a very special way. And when we live them in this special way, we don’t need a lot of them.
So what is this special way of living, which allows us to really and for a long term fulfil us?
Well, it is all about how present we are in the moment, how LOVING we are towards ourselves and how we are able to RECEIVE this love and the nurturing coming from the activity.
Let’s take an example. Let’s say you decide to have a treat with a cake. While eating the cake, how present are you? Do you eat very slowly, savouring every aspect of the taste of the cake? Do you take the time to feel how you are loving your body by nurturing it with this nice cake? Do you allow your body to talk and to tell you when it has had enough sugar –which might be after 3 spoons only? Do you respect this message from your body? Are you feeling that you are receiving this love you are giving yourself?
This last step is a very important one because often we don’t know how to receive love, to let it in and nurture our person. We don’t know, or we can’t because we have been wounded and we may need guidance.
So what you can do now is:
- Slow down
- Be present to what you do
- Observe your life and see if you can find flags that may indicate that you are lacking love –your own love that is
- If you feel like it, take a minute or two, eyes closed, to just send some unconditional love to yourself
- Feel the love movement towards yourself
- Focus on receiving this love
- And stay there
- Finally, ask yourself, “What do I deeply need / want to do now?”
If you find this process difficult, feel free to contact me for a free 20 minutes chat, I would love to listen to you.