10 Tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself
Episode 3: Tips 5 and 6!
Tip 5: I shall stand up for myself
We often think standing up for ourselves means “in front of someone”. This is true but doesn’t cover the whole meaning of this expression.
This is because standing up for myself is first of all a decision made “in front of myself” where I decide to dare to be fully myself.
What do I mean by this?
We spend our life making decisions: big decisions, small daily decisions. For each of these decisions, we can abide by what society tells us we should do, or by what our own principles tell us we should do OR by what our DEEP CONSCIENCE tell us we should do.
Our deep conscience takes into account the whole of our reality and knows what is truly good for us.
What does our deep conscience do in order to take into account the whole of our reality? It focuses on:
- Respecting our values
- Serving our deep aspirations (the ones that make us happy when we make them come true)
- Asserting our full identity
- Acknowledging and respecting our limitations
- Checking there is good logic, it makes sense
- Fulfilling our body normal needs
- Making sure our decision is not going to be emotionally damaging
- Accepting our material reality
- Giving the right weight to what the people around us are going to feel about our decision
That’s a lot to take into account, isn’t it?
Be reassured, most of the time, it only takes a split second but when we are facing a complex situation taking all of the above into account in our decision is what it takes to stand up for ourselves.
Why don't you try and use the above checklist next time you have a decision to make? :-)
In other words, standing up for ourselves is not being selfish and not care about others; it is not either forget ourselves and just please others constantly.
It is to find this third route that is unique to us in this given moment and truly serves our growth in becoming more and more the amazing human being we are meant to be!
Tip 6: I shall stop comparing myself
When we want to improve our relationship with ourselves, there is one sapping habit that we need to STOP. I am talking about “Comparing ourselves”.
Most of the time, comparing ourselves is just not healthy.
In one instance, it may feed our inner self-criticism -and it is clearly self-damaging and can sabotage our efforts. We feed our negative self-image* instead of loving and celebrating ourselves.
Or it may confirm we are the best, which consolidates an over-rated self-image. And an over-rated self-image* is incompatible with respecting who we truly are because we constantly try to be an unrealistic ideal.
So each time you notice you are comparing yourself with others, here is what you can do:
2. Breathe deeply
3. Ask yourself: “If I were a very loving mother to myself now, what would I like to tell myself instead?”
Try it and let me know how you go :-)
Alternatively, if you would like to discuss with me your own situation, please feel free to contact me for a free 20 minutes chat. I would love to hear from you!
* Wait till next week for more on unhealthy self-images!