10 Tips on how to improve your relationship with yourself
Episode 2: Tips 3 and 4!
Tip 3: I shall take responsibility for my happiness
This tip is a big one and a tough one!
It is big because as long as we don’t fully take responsibility for our life, we cannot be truly happy.
It is tough for 2 reasons:
- First, because it is hard to admit to ourselves that, well, we spend a lot of time trying to prove ourselves right, convincing others we are good people, relying on others to make us happy or blaming others or life when we are not.
It takes a lot of compassion and humility to acknowledge that’s the way we really are.
However, it is Oh So worth it! Because as soon as we decide
“I am the one who will make myself happy and I will take 100% of my responsibility in how I manage what happens to me!”
our life takes a new start.
Believe me, it’s as big as that!
- It is also a tough tip to take on because as soon as we decide to take responsibility for our happiness, we bump into our difficulty to fulfil ourselves on our own.
We may find we have some old wounds that push us towards relying on external things or people to make us happy. Or some bad habits of not giving their right priority to our normal needs. Etc… And of course, these are real and need to be taken seriously, again, with compassion for ourselves and humility in front of ourselves. Sometimes, we may need professional support.
Yet, the prize for making this tip come true is true freedom, fulfilment and happiness. It is worth the effort :-)
If you are interested in giving yourself a little check, here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- When I have an argument with someone, do I often try to prove myself right and blame the other?
- Do I often feel unlucky? Or the victim of situations?
- Do I often try to convince others that I am good?
- Do I let others’ opinions about me or what I do impact the way I feel?
- Do I often criticise others?
- Do I often do things that I actually don’t really like but I know will please others?
If you find that you may be someone who –like a lot of us :-) - doesn’t fully take responsibility for their happiness, the first reaction is to be compassionate for yourself and accept lovingly that it is where you are today. This attitude is very important because it will prevent you from going into a defence mode where you will probably feel frustrated, angry and stuck.
Then, very gently, see what is your motivation to start living differently. If you can, spend some time meditating on this motivation. It will make it more powerful.
And then try :-)
Tip 4: I shall stop judging myself harshly
As we live in a world focussing on success and constant improvement, it is very easy to judge ourselves harshly.
Yet, what it really means when we think “You are not good enough!” is that we are our first enemy!
So judging ourselves harshly makes us feel unvalued, unsafe, unworthy and eventually unhappy.
Here humility in front of yourself will be your ally.
Humility says “I you are not there yet, and this is the beautiful journey you are on. One day you will be there, if you continue to put all your heart towards it. You are so much already!”